Self validation is vital for inner stability and self understanding. Seeking validation from others is a bit like standing on jelly, particularly if the people you are seeking validation from are not connected to higher self. Often when people give advice it is because they need to control you to make themselves feel safe or more comfortable, but they may not actually be aware of this if they are out of tune with themselves. Insecurity is passed down from generation to generation because we teach our children to look externally for guidance on how to think, feel and behave. Or we lack basic trust and think everyone is out to get us which is a warped perception caused by disconnection from self/source. Having been someone with this pattern who is mindful to no longer use it I can see just how dysfunctional, exhausting and disorienting it is.
Self validation simplifies living because you don’t need to factor in what other people think of you, which can add up to way too much of your life experience. Other people are inconsistent, biased towards pleasing themselves and don’t have your feelings, unique talents, perspective, life experience and life goals to consider. Your life experiences are perfectly designed to guide you towards your greatest good, so allowing others in the mix of your decision making dilutes your stream. Looking for validation from others is exhausting and confusing at best, particularly as self doubting people are drawn to other self doubting people through the law of attraction. Even if another person is giving advice from higher self, their guidance is designed for them not you.
You were born valid and that’s why you had so much confidence as a child because the cynicism of others hadn’t yet tainted your self concept. Your role is to follow your own guidance and when you do you will see just how natural, easy, pleasing, fulfilling, productive and expansive it is.
Admittedly it feels tough at first because you may experience a lot of guilt about pleasing yourself, particularly if you were punished or ridiculed for doing so in the past. Over time pleasing yourself becomes a more natural choice. You may still be aware of how your decision is being perceived by others but know it is not your responsibility to make them comfortable. Tuning them out is a choice you have to make and standby even if it feels difficult. It does get easier with time and eventually people know giving you advice is a waste of time because they can feel your energy without you needing to say anything.
Discussing your personal problems may give you some relief but solving them yourself gives you even more. Your inner guidance connects you to infinite intelligence, which is the go to place for unconditional love, energy, insight, imagination, wisdom, intuition, clarity, humour and expansion.
If you don’t know the answer to something, what makes you think someone else will? Other people don’t possess magical skills you don’t, but you may need to learn how to decode your emotional guidance system. When you feel good you are connected to higher self and when you don’t you are not, it’s that simple. If you think ill of someone your perception is being skewed by the lens of your unique life experience. To bridge the gap you must choose thoughts that feel good which produce emotions telling you how you are doing. Be mindful of your emotions and you can see just how finely tuned they are and what a wonderful indicator they provide showing you if you are going in the wrong or right direction.
In order to self validate you need to sit with and work through your emotions and not dissociate from them or rely on addictions to mask them. When you sit with your painful emotions it can be surprising how quickly you understand and move through them. Often we think dealing with emotions is a much harder job than it is. In fact not dealing with our emotions is actually harder, more complicated and involves others in negative way. Emotions aren’t a dirty little secret or embarrassment, and being able to decode them is a sign of maturity, self acceptance and inner stability. Try and dig down to understand why something really bothers you. It nearly always upsets you because it triggers feelings of unworthiness. Give this a try if it’s not something you are used to doing, you might just be surprised how clever the system is and how useful you find it.
So many people are out of tune with their inner guidance and at the mercy of the perceived darkness perpetuated by the news and fear of others.
Validating yourself also means being honest with yourself about how you feel and what you think. Self rejection is automatically invalidating and leads to the development of a false self which I have discussed before in a previous post. When what you say and do match up you know you are in congruence, which is a very comfortable emotional state to inhabit and the holy grail of human experience.
You can validate another person’s inner experience by understanding and accepting it, without necessarily agreeing or approving. Doing this is great in relationships because it shows presence and respect for the comfort and differences of another.
If you like and validate yourself the right people will be drawn to you and your life will become much easier and more enjoyable. Life is not supposed to be complicated but we can sure as hell make things complicated for ourselves through a lack of understanding.
I can’t sing the praises of self validation highly enough, having seen the difference it has made to my life, stability and happiness…