A lack of authenticity in men is the reason male suicide rates are so high. Our culture reveres manly men who act macho and suppress their feelings. Many men are afraid to speak up about their feelings for fear of being seen as weak and have no idea how they actually feel because they’ve been taught to ignore their human guidance system.
Self love is not narcissistic or gay, it is our innate and authentic expression of our true nature. If you grew up in a household where love was conditional, manipulative, smothering or scarce you will need to learn what healthy self love is. Self love includes an enormous dose of humility and self acceptance as to where you are on life’s journey. If you don’t know how to love the self there is an abundance of information available online to guide you. Individuation is imperative for becoming independent and assuming responsibility for your own thoughts, feelings and behaviour.
When your own feelings become enmeshed with the feelings and desires of others you experience cognitive dissonance and shame about following your own desires. When you learn to tune out expectations and opinions from outside, self doubt reduces and you start to feel more centred. You may have to give yourself permission to do so though if you were punished for authentic expression as a child. Many parents mean well when they insist their child behaves a certain way, but training them away from their inner impulses leads to problems later in life.
The happier we feel the closer we are to our authentic selves and the more negative we feel the more disconnected we are. Being disconnected from your true nature is painful and exhausting and causes inhibitions, relational issues, lack of confidence, anxiety, depression and lack of motivation and drive.
Humans are created to seek their own happiness and expansion not assume responsibility for the happiness of others. When you seek your own happiness you automatically lift others up. When men don’t love themselves they don’t feel confident to pursue their dreams and tend to be narcissistic or codependent in relationships. Denied feelings are often projected onto children, partners and colleagues causing unnecessary problems which could be overcome by the decision to be more authentic and self loving. Self differentiation is vital if you want to become a happy and whole human being.
As your inner world is a reflection of your outer world self love is pretty key to being a good partner, father, son or colleague. Loving the self involves tuning out outside influence to a great degree and following your inner guidance. Men who lack self love can feel threatened by women and become defensive as a way to protect themselves. It is important to understand this need to protect the self is generally a faulty perception learned in childhood and needs to be understood and worked through on the healing path.
Thankfully more and more is being done to raise awareness about men attuning to their feelings and I support this movement wholeheartedly…