Something drives us to achieve spiritual growth. Often it’s an upsetting event that initiates the awakening. Often we struggle with the same problem over and over eventually we realise the pain of growth is less than the pain of staying the same. It doesn’t have to be this way, but this is a fairly common catalyst for change.
Changing ourselves is never an easy process and stepping out of our comfort zone can appear terrifying.
Initially we retreat to protect ourselves from the situation that is making us feel vulnerable. Then we go into research mode, desperately seeking answers to our problems.
This is the stage when the caterpillar weaves itself into a cocoon. It has a minimal idea what’s ahead, it just knows it’s on a journey it must make.
We seek the information we need about our true nature and even though deep down we know it’s true, the extent to our personal responsibility is exciting and terrifying in equal measure.
This phase includes a breakdown of existing beliefs and can feel like complete annihilation, as our old sense of self starts to break down. Letting go of the old self can be quite frightening. Shifting from victim to victor is no mean feat, particularly as powerlessness is what usually wakes us up. Of course, we are capable of this transformation but we are limited by our inner stories and beliefs, which can be very ingrained and compelling.
During this stage the ego likes to masquerade as our intuition as it knows we have found the holy grail and it wants to keep us confused and stuck. The ego is an insane belief system based on fear and separation and it tends to be very loud and insistent in our mind. This is why people often take up meditating to enter the stillness required to quiet the mind and allow the spirit’s wisdom to come through in thought.
We may accept our new beliefs internally before going public with them, because a spiritual awakening requires we shift our beliefs 180 degrees.
Fortunately, we can practice a lot with our new-found knowledge in a relatively private way until we have proven to ourselves that yes this information is actually correct and our mind is mind-bogglingly powerful. We can feel a bit like ‘Bambi on ice’ as we navigate eliminating our negative thoughts a bit at a time. Some days we feel good and others absolutely as though we are turning inside out and being completely annihilated.
To the outside world it looks as though we are going mad or having a psychotic break and to some extent, it feels like it, but deep down we know we are on the right path and must keep going. It can feel as though we are regressing before we see the fruits of our labour.
As awakening to our power appears as ‘magical thinking’ to those who are still asleep, we have to become tolerant of being mocked and ridiculed by those who feel threatened by your drastic change. This is part of the initiation though.
We can’t break out of our cocoon though until we are finally ready because we won’t have the inner resolve to survive. Insomnia and disorientation become our best friend and at times it feels as though we’ll never make it through this stage.
Openly turning against cultural norms in the public arena can feel scary to start with, but is also very liberating. Learning to be fully self validating and not care about external validation will likely see us labelled as selfish or a narcissist at first, but this is just fear of being self focused being reflected back to us.
During the process we can feel as though we wish we hadn’t come across the information regarding our new found power, yet at the same time we can’t go backwards as we are too aware of what our thoughts are creating.
The information about the true nature of reality takes time to sink in and I think it happens in stages. At some stage though we have to take a leap of faith and allow the new beliefs to overpower the old.
Self judgment really slows the process of awakening down and the sooner we can forgive ourselves and believe in our own innocence and worth the sooner we can move forwards.